Awakenings (Intertwined Souls Series Book 4) Page 3

  “What is it like? Is it really like a dream?”

  “No, it’s not like a dream. I feel like I’m there, wherever it is, watching whatever is going on but not being able to influence events. Very scary.”

  “How did you convince yourself you were dreaming and stopped worrying about your eyes?”

  Tessa smiled. “Our minds are very powerful, Eva. You can fool yourself very easily and believe very easily what you are telling yourself.”

  “To the point that you forget your eyes are changing color?”

  “Yes.”

  “Until?”

  “Until it happened during class.” Tessa took a bite of her bread and chewed. “My teacher was talking about the Ancient Greeks one minute and the next I was watching a car plough into a tree. When the daydream stopped and I returned to my class, my teacher came to scold me and then she saw my eyes.”

  “What happened after that?”

  Tessa smiled. “Why don’t we wait for Zoe to return and I’ll tell you both? She won’t forgive me if I don’t include her. I’ve known her for a little while through my visions, but after meeting her, I do not want to upset her.” She chuckled.

  “You’ve seen her in your visions?”

  “Yes.” Tessa nodded. “I don’t want to talk about Zoe now. I want to talk about you.” She kept her voice light. “You might want to grab one of those cushions Stella has in abundance. They seem to multiply at a fast rate.”

  Eva went into the living room and picked up a bright orange cushion. She looked at it and smiled. “She does like bright colors,” she said as she came back into the kitchen.

  “The brighter the better is her motto.”

  Eva placed the cushion on the chair to brace her back and sat down. Tessa put the bread down and pulled up a chair, sat down in front of Eva, and took her hands. “I’m so very proud of you.”

  “I haven’t done anything.”

  “That’s where you are wrong. You stayed strong and you didn’t give up. You took comfort and you listened to Sister Irene.”

  “Irene?” Eva asked in surprise. “You know about Sister Irene? How? She was real?”

  Tessa smiled. “She was and is real. There is something you don’t know, Eva, and that is Irene is family. She’s your grandmother Eva’s sister.”

  Eva closed her eyes and rested her head on the chair’s back. “I wanted it to all end,” she said softly. “I thought the nun was just someone I had made up and that I was hallucinating on those drugs there were giving me. Her voice was so soothing. I was able to feel her hand on my cheek and she prayed with me. Even if she wasn’t real, it felt real.”

  “She told you not to give up, right?”

  “How did you know?”

  “I will tell you that soon. You believed Sister Irene and you didn’t give up.”

  “She had such a soothing way about her that it eased my mind. Are you saying she’s a real human being?”

  “Yes, darling, she’s real. She lives in Germany and she’s expecting you.”

  “She’s real? She lives in Germany?” Eva repeated, not quite fully grasping the implication of this news. “I can meet her?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you meet her in Germany?” Eva felt like a child asking questions. She couldn’t focus and her mind was swirling into a thousand fragments.

  “No, Irene came to visit me in Thessalonica during the war.”

  “She was here in Greece at the same time as me?”

  “We were hours away from you, but it might as well have been thousands of miles. Neither of us could travel to Larissa and find you. Do you want to meet her when you go to Berlin?”

  Eva smiled broadly and nodded. “Yes, very much so.”

  “That’s marvelous. We will arrange for that to happen. You were never far from my thoughts from the moment you were born. My sister, your mother, loved you so much, and she loved me too. Giving you my name as your second name…that just made me cry.”

  “Where were you?”

  “I lived in Thessalonica with Stella.”

  “Oh.”

  “I think that story needs to be told with Stella and Zoe in the room.”

  Eva looked at the rain now lashing the window. It appeared to be hitting the glass sideways. “Zoe and Stella are out there.”

  “They will be fine, but poor Hercules may hate them after this is over.”

  “Irene gave me so much peace. She said to have faith. She said there would be an end to the pain. Just have faith. I listened to her,” Eva said in a childlike voice. “I didn’t know how.”

  “But you did. You found a way and you surrendered when you needed to surrender. You did it to save your life. Fighting the aversion treatments was not helping you, but you had faith.”

  “My stepfather never believed the treatments cured me.”

  “I know.” Tessa nodded. “You didn’t believe they changed you, did you?”

  “No.” Eva stopped for a long moment and focused on her cigarette. “I prayed to God and promised I would never fall in love with a woman again if they stopped.”

  “That’s not a promise you can keep, Evy.”

  Eva nodded. “That’s what Zoe said.”

  “How were you able to fall in love with Zoe without their conditioning making you physically ill?”

  Eva looked down at the darkened floor and thought back to the first time she had kissed Zoe. “First time I kissed Zoe, it was as if someone had lit a fire within me. My legs just couldn’t hold me up and I collapsed in a heap. I just couldn’t stop the pain and it took me some time to get up off that floor.”

  “The aversion therapy works. It produces such a powerful reaction that you are not going to want to do the very thing you want to do.”

  “I would get a migraine just thinking about kissing Zoe before I even kissed her.”

  Tessa placed a reassuring hand on Eva’s knee. “No one can change who you are, Eva. No amount of aversion conditioning can change you.”

  “It does change you. I didn’t want to fall in love with a woman ever again, and I married a man I didn’t love to avoid that pain.”

  “Erik Hoffman.” Tessa nodded. Eva was surprised her aunt knew about Erik. She had fooled the man into thinking she had loved him when she didn’t.

  “Is there anything you don’t know about me?”

  “Yes, quite a lot, but I know more about you than most people. This gift I have is a curse and a blessing.”

  “Sounds like a curse to me.”

  “It can be,” Tessa said and patted Eva’s knee. “How did you manage to break those mental bonds?”

  “I had help. I couldn’t do it on my own no matter how hard I tried, and believe me, I tried.”

  “You did?”

  “I thought by ignoring the pain, it would go away, but it became stronger if I acted on my desires. I felt like there was a band around my chest and it would tighten,” Eva softly recounted as the memory of the unbearable pain surfaced. “I just couldn’t do it and felt useless.”

  “Putting your hand in the fire will burn you no matter how many times you attempt to keep it there.”

  Eva sighed. “I was sure I was going to beat it on my own. I was going to beat their conditioning.”

  “You didn’t do it on your own, did you?”

  “No. When we were in Egypt waiting for our turn to be assigned a ship to Australia, Zoe overheard some refugees talking about a psychiatrist who was helping concentration camp survivors,” Eva explained. “I found that if I thought about Zoe, even briefly, my body reacted.”

  “You had fallen in love despite the aversion conditioning.”

  “Yes. Zoe was extremely patient with the emotional cripple.”

  “Eva!”

  “That’s what I was. Zoe was patient with me, and when you get to know Zoe, you’ll see that patience is not one of her virtues.”

  Tessa smiled. “I’m sure she isn’t, but when it came to you, she found patience.”

  �
�She did, and I’m not sure where it came from. Zoe managed to find the doctor the refugees were talking about and went to her. She didn’t tell me she was doing it because I didn’t want to see a doctor at all, and she knew I would object to her talking about me to a doctor. Zoe convinced Doctor Hannah to treat me.”

  “How hard was it for Zoe to convince you to see Doctor Hannah?”

  Eva leaned back on her chair and smiled. “Zoe is a take-no-prisoners kind of girl and there is nothing subtle about her approach. She sat me down and told me that I couldn’t continue to fight against the conditioning. It wasn’t working, and it was making things worse. She asked me to trust her that Doctor Hannah could help me.”

  “Just like that, you trusted that Zoe knew what she was talking about?”

  “I was running out of options and I had to trust Zoe because I was losing hope. I jumped off the cliff.”

  “Jumped off the cliff?”

  Eva’s smile widened. “It’s one of Zoe’s sayings. She told me to ‘jump off the cliff and enjoy the ride’ when I was falling in love with her. Everything is ‘jump off the cliff’ because taking a chance is better than standing still for Zoe.”

  “She is quite a formidable young woman.”

  “Did you have anything to do with Zoe being in my life?”

  Tessa shook her head. “No, I had nothing to do with it. God is to blame for that.” She smiled. “Everything that you have done since Aiden, you did on your own. You chose to fight, you chose to fall in love with Zoe, and you chose to beat their conditioning. You had help to achieve all of it, but without you wanting to do it, no amount of help would have achieved what you have done.”

  Eva took a deep breath and released it slowly. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Now comes the next step.”

  “What next step?” Eva stood and stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray. She gazed outside at the rain and then back at Tessa.

  Tessa leaned forward and placed her hand on Eva’s knee. “Time to leave Aiden,” she whispered. “Time to walk out.”

  “I have walked out.”

  “No, you are still there, up here.” Tessa gently tapped Eva’s temple. Eva turned around and gazed into Tessa’s gray eyes. “In your mind and in your heart, you are still there.”

  “I don’t know how…maybe that is what was supposed to happen, because I wasn’t with my mother when she needed me. I lied to her about being a lesbian, and I lied to her about where I was going to be on that night.” Eva finally gave voice to the guilt she had felt since Kristallnacht.

  “You think you deserved to be tortured because you lied?”

  Eva tried to calm her heart and hoped Tessa would not turn away from her with the admission that she had just made. Eva surprised herself by admitting it to a stranger—an uncharacteristic slip that could prove costly. “I didn’t deserve to be tortured, but if I had told the truth, it would have been different.”

  “Oh, my darling girl, you have to forgive yourself. You have to let go of the guilt because the sister I knew would never have given up on you. She would have protected you in any way possible. I know it because that is who Daphne Mitsos was. You have to believe me. Your mother loved you so much.”

  “I know she loved me but—”

  “There is no ‘but’ in that sentence. You not being with her on that final night did not change the outcome nor could it have. More than likely, you would have ended up getting killed yourself.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “They killed my sister and your mother. Do you think they wouldn’t have killed you? They were animals on a rampage.”

  “If I had listened…”

  “You would be dead,” Tessa reasoned. “What do you think a seventeen-year-old child can do?”

  “Nothing, but if I hadn’t gone with Greta…”

  “You can’t play that game in your head, Eva. Did you love this woman?”

  “Yes, I thought I did at the time.”

  “How much did she love you?”

  “She said she did, and we were going to run off together. That sounds so stupid now, but I believed her.”

  “The heart wants what the heart wants.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “The heart will believe even though the mind may disagree. She was not the woman for you.”

  “Oh, I know that. Greta is nothing compared to Zoe”.”

  “In the end you have everything you need in Zoe.”

  “Do you think my mother would have hated me?”

  “Heavens, no. Your mother could never hate you. She doesn’t hate you. Banish that from your mind. Your mother loved you so very much. Goodness, she accepted me when she thought I was possessed and insane.”

  “That’s why she gave me your name.”

  “That’s right. If she had hated me for who she thought I was, she wouldn’t have given you my name. You’re lucky, you know.”

  “How so?”

  “You could have been called Kaliope instead—that was one of the aunts and they all had horrible names.” Tessa smiled. “Darling, you need to forgive yourself. Only then will you be able to leave Aiden in your mind and in your heart.”

  “I will try.”

  “You have to. You have to because those babies of yours…” Tessa put her hand over her mouth. “Forget I said that last bit.”

  Eva grinned. “Babies? More than one baby? You said babies.”

  “I don’t know what you are talking about.” Tessa’s face creased into a huge smile. “I know absolutely nothing.”

  “More than one baby.” Eva giggled.

  “They are going to need you whole, up here.” Tessa touched the side of Eva’s head. “And here.” She touched Eva’s heart. “You have walked through the valley of shadow of death and you have made it out. You must never fear what man could do. They have done it, but you are still here.”

  “I will.”

  “I have a feeling our girls are back.” Tessa got up.

  Eva carefully stood and braced her hand on the chair.

  “How’s your back?”

  “Just a dull ache.”

  “Amazing what those drugs can do.” Tessa chuckled as she threaded her arm into the crook of Eva’s elbow. “Let’s go see how cold those girls are.”

  Chapter Three

  Eva leaned against the doorjamb of the kitchen and gazed outside at the rain as Stella brought Hercules to a standstill. She was surprised to see Theo car’s following the wagon. The wagon was covered to prevent the contents from getting wet, but that was partly successful. Sitting in the wagon was Zoe; thoroughly drenched, but by the look on her face, quite pleased with herself.

  Zoe turned and met her gaze. She smiled broadly and looked down on the ground near where the wagon had stopped. A muddy puddle had formed. Zoe looked up at Eva and giggled before she turned and jumped off the wagon and straight into the puddle. She laughed as she kicked the water and mud with her boots. Eva laughed at Zoe’s eccentric behavior.

  Theo stopped the car and quickly got out. He had a quiet word with his sister as he took the larger bag and one of the smaller bags. Zoe picked up another small bag and followed him inside.

  “Theo! You were out in this weather?” Tessa asked.

  “I was heading to the farm when I ran into Aunty Stella and Zoe. Good thing I did, because the wagon got bogged down.”

  “Good thing you were there,” Tessa replied and followed a very wet Stella inside the kitchen.

  “You’re so wet,” Eva said to Zoe as she came inside. “What is with you and wet weather?”

  “Yes.” Zoe giggled. “I love a good summer shower, but this one had a light show.”

  “You won’t love it so much if you catch pneumonia again. Remember last year? You weren’t happy then.” Eva took the towel that Tessa had given her and tried to dry Zoe’s hair. “We have got to get you out of these clothes.”

  Eva ushered Zoe into their bedroom and placed her on the bed as if she we
re a child. She removed Zoe’s socks and tossed them aside. “That’s some drenching, Zoe.” She unbuttoned Zoe’s skirt and it fell around her bare feet. “I don’t want you getting sick.”

  Zoe tried to unbutton her blouse, but Eva pushed her hand away. “We can’t have you catching a cold after...” Eva looked down and stopped. Zoe was grinning at her. “Uh, what?” She stepped to the side and retrieved a blanket.

  “Does this remind you of anything?” Zoe laughed. She tossed her blouse to the floor, followed by her very wet brassiere and panties.

  Eva was a little confused and then she realized what Zoe was talking about. They had uttered those same words five years before, the night they had stopped lying to themselves about their feelings for each other. She looked around the room, at the wet clothes and at Zoe’s wet limp hair, and laughed. She laughed so much her head ached and she fell backwards onto the bed.

  “You’re not a boy,” Zoe quipped before joining her on the bed. She rested her weight on her elbow and grinned at Eva. “You are definitely not a boy.”

  “I can’t say that I am.” Eva repeated the words she had uttered five years previously in a room similar to the one they were in and on an equally stormy day.

  “That’s good because,” Zoe gazed into Eva’s eyes, “I don’t like boys.”

  “Come here.” Eva cupped Zoe’s face in her hands and pressed her lips to hers. The kiss deepened until she felt the excited response from Zoe and sought to quench her desire.

  “Oh, boy!” Zoe whispered as they parted.

  “Good or bad?” Eva grinned at the look on Zoe’s face.

  “Oh, good. Better than good,” Zoe exclaimed.

  They shared another kiss and dissolved into giggles on the bed.

  “Michael and his three stages of love: Like, Heavy Like and Deep Love?” Zoe teased. “What stage are you in?”

  “I’m in the deepest love of love you can imagine and then triple that. There is no cure, and I don’t want to be cured.”

  “I don’t think Michael had a triple deep love stage.”

  “Michael didn’t, but Eva does.” Eva smiled and softly kissed Zoe again.

  “Girls…” Stella came into the room, did an about face, and left the room.